Love and Pain
by PristineK
Summary: I never thought I would feel so passionate with another person. I never thought I would fall in love so deep it’s as if I’m drowning. I’ve never thought of love as something so full of happiness that you feel so carefree. But never of pain. HPBZfemale.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters. Just the plot.

**A/N:** Hello! This is my first one-shot. I hope you guys will enjoy it:) By the way, sorry for the confusion. This is a **Harry/Blaise (female)** story. Thanks again:)

**Love and Pain  
**_By Kristine_

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I never thought life would take an unexpected turn for me I never imaged myself in this position I'm currently in. As I ask myself every single day why, my thoughts took me back to the very memories I try to push back.

I never thought I would feel so passionate with another person. I never thought I would fall in love so deep it's as if I'm drowning. I've never thought of love as something so full of happiness that you feel so carefree. But never have I thought of it as something that would ruin your life; something that would put you in pain that can never be healed.

I'm always conservative of men when I'm around them. I would always put up an invisible guard around me; a strong one that no one could ever break. Until I met him. He was the one who caught me off my guard. He was the one who shattered that wall and replaced it with something that made me more secure. Something that I never thought was there. Something that was called love.

I've always thought if him as my best friend. Someone who I can rely on. Someone who'll always be there for me. Someone who'll always have my back. But right now I dunno if he's still there.

Tears flow on my face as memories came flooding back. Guilt and regret filled my heart and mind. _I should have never fallen in love._ But I deserved it. I deserved every single bit of feeling I have now.

I sat myself down holding my pillow tight as the sound of rain filled the air. It was one of these moments of peacefulness that I loved but right now I dunno if I could still love.

Love. A four letter word that can make you do extraordinary things that you do cant even imagine doing. Reaching and breaking limits that can create disasters that you would bravely face. But it can also create pain. Pain that can never be healed with medicines. Pain that will always leave several marks and could never be forgotten.

I stood up and went to look out of the window. Raindrops filled my view. The rain was pouring hard. A sudden rush of need filled me as I imagined myself out there in the cold atmosphere of the rain. _Would the rain wash these feelings away?_ Grabbing my coat as the idea reached my mind.

I headed towards the door and stepped out. Coldness and numbness filled me as the rain poured hard all over me. Unfortunately, the rain couldn't wash away these emotions I am trapped with. I suddenly felt my feet move letting it bring me hopefully to a place where love did not exist. A place where I could feel nothing.

I'm not a person who goes into extremities when the feeling of loneliness overrides me. I would never allow myself to go into the habit of cutting nor think that I have no purpose in life. Mostly I would just try and clear my mind try and feel as nothing as possible. But I guess nothing is useless right now. The emotions within me are very much settled. I try to discard it but it won't go.

I was suddenly pulled out of my reveries as my feet halt to a stop. I looked up and viewed the surroundings of where my feet had led me. My vision suddenly became blurry as every emotion, feeling, and memory was at its height. I was at the park. This place brought back a lot of memories. A lot of memories that were special and a lot of memories that hurt. I walked on towards the swings, tears still clinging onto to my cheeks. I let myself sit on one of the one's the park still had up.

My eyes suddenly took in the view around me. The memories so clear on my head it's as if it happened just yesterday. Even at the dark and drops of the rain I could identify the places where the memories in my mind happened. I smiled at my surroundings remembering the moments we shared. It was soon washed away as my current emotions took over.

I found myself thinking. What if none of these happened? Would I be living in a world full of pain and betrayal? Betrayal. Yes. It played a big part on the whole cause of this pain and mess thrown over me. How? Well it was all a misunderstanding of course! Well at least that's what the others would say. I would say it's a huge mistake! Everything! Every single bit of it!

I felt my hands grip tighter to the chains of the swing. I felt anger fill up inside me, waiting to be freed. I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs. But suddenly found myself slipping of the swing and into the mudded and wet of a ground.

Anger still full of rage as the usual tears started once again to flow rapidly on my face. I was breathing hard. My insides squirming as if I was ready to burst. But I wasn't keen on giving up like this. Even though I felt anger and pain altogether I certainly won't give up my dignity by sitting on the cold mudded ground in the park.

I sighed deeply and tried to compose myself. I stood up, my clothes dirty from the mud on the ground. I guess the swings weren't the best of place that could handle a person like me. I started walking again now towards the nearby pond but suddenly stopped as certain visions flashed through my mind.

Visions meaning memories. We often spent our free time hanging out here. We both loved the light breeze, the smell of fresh air, the sky full of clouds that we both imagined ourselves lying on. And the tree by the pond was one of our favorite spots. We often would just sit down, close together and would just stare and appreciate the peacefulness of the whole place.

I sighed heavily. I tried not to cry as I wasted a lot of tears that made my once full of happiness of eyes puffy and red. Maybe a visit to the spot can help me. I know its not a great idea but maybe reverse psychology would work for me. I am a pureblood and mostly rely on magic but maybe this once some muggle myth could help me. I haven't gone crazy or anything but I'm all out of ideas, and hopeless at that too.

Following my decision I moved on and followed the path toward the pond. As I neared closer the pain grew with in me. I tried to fight it back but still my emotions overpowered me. But I couldn't be like this. I should move on. Yeah. That sounded like a good idea. How can I be so clueless!

I reached the place feeling better than I have all night. I stared the pond viewing my reflection. What I saw was pathetic. Oh and its not the rain. It's me staring at someone that was totally messed up. And I couldn't even believe I would go this low as if I'm crying over something worth crying! He's not worth my tears! All the more He's not worth my time.

And just like that it hit me! How am I so stupid! Stupid once again for falling into this feeling of depression when I could just move on and forget about it! He _is_ not worth my time! So why waste my tears over him! I've almost lost my dignity. Falling into a state of sadness and guilt and pain. When it was wasting time in crying and feeling guilty of something I never had care to have!

The pain was hastily washed away and just like that guilt of stooping this low filled me, anger accompanying it. Ugh. I hate myself. I fell for it again! Wait. I don't hate myself. Ok. I think I am going crazy. Ugh. I'm so hopeless right now.

I heaved a sigh as once again I tried to clear my mind. Try to straighten things out my decisions at that. All have been so heavy, so hard. I just feel confused and trapped.

After a few minutes, rain still pouring as hard, I thought of returning home and maybe a night's sleep could help my already problem and emotion filled mind.

Yeah. I think it would. Maybe.

Taking the view of the pond in my eyes one last time, I turned around and headed off and out the park. But that didn't happen. As I was about halfway into turning around, I collided with someone. And I couldn't believe who it was. It was the very person who haunted my mind. Who caused this whole mess!

After realizing who it was, I tried not to cry and pushed my way through and walked as fast as I can and out of the park, deafening the sound of my named being called. I was soon stopped by a hard grip on my hands. At this moment tears once again flowed continuously on my face.

"Blaise. Please just stop. Hear me out."

I tried to pull out of his grip but was unable to withstand the force he applied onto my hand.

"Blaise. Listen to me. Please."

"What are you doing here?" I asked him coldly. My tear flown face not daring to face him.

"I.. Blaise.."

"I said, what are you doing here?" I asked him my anger flowing out together with my voice.

"I came here to apologize." Wow. Lame. Anger continued to build up inside me. I wanted to see how he looked saying that but I couldn't dare face him.

I tried again to pull out of his grip, this time successfully. It was still raining. I was running as fast and I could here footsteps splashing the rain puddles following my pace.

I guess running is not an option as my hand was pulled into another grip that was tighter than the first. I couldn't take it anymore.

"I told you its over!" I cried.

"It's bloody over. I'm done crying over this mess. I'm done of falling for everything you put before me. I'm tired of all this Potter! And now here you are finally realizing to apologize! Wow! I didn't realize how sincere and sympathetic the Boy-Who-Lived Is! You've caused me enough! I'm so tired of everything! More over I'm so sick and tired of you!"

I definitely was full of rage after the words I said. And tears were definitely flowing rapidly as they had ever before.

Silence filled the air as we stared at each other. The tension growing every second. I still felt it. I still felt the feeling I'm trying to get rid of. Looking at his eyes, suddenly reminded me of my own but more loneliness, guilt and pain than ever before. I suddenly felt a need to comfort and hug him. But it was just not right for the situation.

"I know I've caused pain and everything. I know I caused you a hell lot of it. I know I would feel the same way. I'm sorry of the pain, of the love and of me. I'm sorry if it took me a while too. I such a bloody liar and I admit it. I'm sorry for everything Blaise. I'm sorry. I truly am. I love you than anything in this whole world. I would give my life for you. I would do anything for you even if this means being away from you. You mean a lot to me. And I wouldn't exchange you for anything in this world. I love you Blaise! And I mean it with all my heart!"

My eyes kept flowing with tears as he said these words. Never had I felt so loved and so pained at the same time. At the moment I just wanted to be in his arms and at the same time wanted to yell and scream. But one thing made my thoughts clear, made my mind clear but most especially my heart clear. Love.

I found myself kissing him with all the love I was before refusing to feel. The feeling made my heart grow strong. My insides tingling as my emotions rapidly changed. It was as if our first kiss repeating itself. It was like a kiss made in heaven. It was like a kiss that lasted forever.

I pulled back and both of us were flushed from the intense and yet sweet kiss both of us shared.

I stared at him and uttered the words that I thought I never would have said again.

"I love you too, Harry Potter."

And just like that things changed for me. Love became clearer. Love now to me is something you can't live without. But one thing I realized is that love will always be present within you, never fading and will always be there in that special place inside your heart.

THE END.

A/N: My first one shot. Lol. I started writing the story while I was at school lol. And finished never thought I would finish it today. Lol. But my mind kept popping ideas and I felt like I just couldn't stop. I hope you guys like it:) Please Review. And tell me what you think. I'm open to constructive criticism. I didn't know if I did well. Lol. And I also don't think I cleared the story of what happened to the two. So if I didn't very very much sorry. Lol. But thanks for reading! I really do hope you guys like it! By the way, this is a Harry/Blaise (female) story. hehehe.. Thanks again:)


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